Change as a Calling

What if Change was a Calling …rather than a crisis. 

It was 2020 pre pandemic, and I was in the process of change in my life.  Lots of Change.  I was still finalizing my first marriage’s divorce.  I had just left my role as a technician in the clinic where I was working and was stepping into the role as office manager.  With the announcement of the pandemic memories from my past were beginning to be highlighted, without my consent.   Everything shut down, the clinic where I worked and then my body. I began to have panic attacks and mounting anxiety that presented much more than the onset of Covid19.  

I busied myself as much as I could, new flooring, new paint, and wallpaper in the sunroom.  I chose busy over writing.  Focusing my mind on tasks helped but nothing would settle this constant state of feeling as though my life was about to Change. 

By the time I was back in the clinic setting I kept hearing the words inside ‘sometimes you choose change and sometimes change chooses you’.  As I pondered these words that echoed in my mind and body I could see this was true.  At the clinic nothing was the same.  Covid changed everything.  My new role changed again, and my body felt different.  It felt that Change was choosing not just me, but the world.  Yet this truth I was sensing about Change didn’t feel as though I could lean into it, rather I felt like I wanted to run from it, as far away as possible. 

Personally, I’m built for consistency, stability with a dash of adventure scheduled neatly into my calendar. I knew already that Change is not a word I naturally embrace.  I found that this Change was rattling me from the outside in and from the inside out.  I was discombobulated by change.   No longer could I wear my public face at work.  Everything became blurred and I could no longer separate my work life from personal life.  I had to face change head on.   

In the end, I took an inward journey that would transform my life in every way.  I come out on the other side pondering the idea, the perspective. 

‘What if Change was a calling…rather than a crisis’.  

The word ‘calling’ is a word that to me has a felt sense of leaning into, something that is drawing me towards it, it even feels inviting, something that holds promise. Compare that to the word ‘crisis’ which has this emergency response attached to it, and I feel as though I need to fight or run and fast.  One perspective has the ‘I can’ feel and the other ‘I can’t’. 

Either way we choose to look at it, Change is here to stay, it's not going anywhere soon. So, I’ve decided to reframe how I see Change I hope that you do too. 

Will you join me?